How to talk to someone you trust about your drug or alcohol use
Opening up about drug or alcohol use can feel scary - but it’s often the first step toward feeling lighter and getting the support you need and deserve. This article shares simple ways to prepare for the conversation, choose the right person to talk to, and stay safe and supported while you do it.
Talking to someone about your drug or alcohol use isn’t easy. You might feel worried about how someone will react, or unsure about what to say. That’s completely normal - it takes courage to be honest about something so personal.
Being honest with someone you trust can help you feel less alone and more supported. It can also be a big relief to share what’s been happening instead of keeping it all inside. The right person can listen, help you think things through, and support you in accessing additional help if you want it.
It’s important to be clear that you’re doing this because you want to. That you’re ready to take ownership of who you are, where you’ve been and where you’re going. This is your story, and you’re in control of when and how you tell it.
Choosing who to talk to
The first step to opening up is finding someone you feel safe with. This might be a close friend, a family member, a partner, or someone outside your circle - like a teacher, doctor, someone else in recovery, or a key worker. The right person is someone who:
- Listens without judging you
- Keeps things private (unless they’re worried about your safety)
- Helps you feel calm and understood
You don’t have to tell everyone - just one trusted person can make a big difference.
If you’re not sure who to talk to, think about who has supported you before when things were hard. You can also reach out to a service like CDAS for free, confidential support - even if you just want to talk things through first.
The goal isn’t to get everything perfect, but to choose someone who makes you feel safe enough to be honest.
Getting ready for the conversation
It can help you plan a little before you talk, especially if you’re nervous. Thinking ahead can make the conversation feel calmer and help you say what really matters to you.
Think about what you want to say
You don’t need to have a speech prepared. You could start with something simple like, “There’s something I’ve been struggling with and I want to be honest about it.”
It might also be helpful to think about what you want from the conversation, so you can tell them too. Do you want them to listen, give advice, or support you to get further help?
You don’t need to have it all figured out, but it is okay to tell the person outright what you need from them, so they can respond in a way that’s helpful to you.
You could even write down a few thoughts or practise what you want to say out loud beforehand.
Choose the right time and place
Pick somewhere quiet where you both feel comfortable - not rushed, not distracted, and not in the middle of an argument or stressful moment. A calm space - maybe at home, on a walk, or over a cup of tea - can help you both feel more relaxed.
Be honest but kind to yourself
You only need to share what feels right for you. You’re allowed to set boundaries and keep some things private.
The goal is to start a real conversation, not to explain or justify yourself. Remember, this is about a brave step, not about guilt or blame.
Prepare for emotions
Talking about your drug or alcohol use can bring up strong feelings for you and the other person. You might feel nervous, embarrassed or tearful. They might feel worried, sad, or unsure what to say. That’s okay. Take things slowly, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re doing something positive by being honest.
Have support ready
If you’re worried about how the person might react, about staying safe, it can help to have a plan. You might arrange to see someone from CDAS first to talk things through, or let a trusted friend know you’re having the conversation. Knowing there’s extra support afterwards can help you feel less alone, whatever happens.
During the conversation
When it’s time to talk, remember that you’re doing something brave and positive.
There’s no perfect way to have this conversation - just your way. Explain that you’re ready to take responsibility for your drinking or drug use and that you want to change. You could also say that you’re hoping they can support you or at least understand you better.
If you start to feel overwhelmed, pause. Take a deep breath or suggest a short break.
The person you’re talking to might have a strong reaction. They might ask questions, cry, or go quiet. Let them have their feelings, but remember: you don’t have to answer every question, and you can end the conversation if it becomes too much.
Finally, remember why you’re doing it - because you want to be honest and move forward.
Helping them understand
Sometimes, the person you want to talk to hasn’t experienced issues with drugs or alcohol themselves. They might not fully understand why it happens or what recovery really means. Here are some ways to help them see things from your side:
- Start with honesty, not blame. You don’t need to explain everything - just speak from the heart. Staying calm and kind helps the other person listen without feeling blamed or shut down.
- Tell them how it started. This can help them understand it wasn’t just about wanting to drink or take drugs. You might explain that you were struggling, trying to cope, or wanted to feel better for a while. Be honest about what was or is going on in your life, so they can see the bigger picture and build empathy.
- Find something they can relate to. Everyone has habits that they would find uncomfortable to change. It could be alcohol, drugs, coffee, chocolate or watching soaps. You could say something like, “Imagine you could never drink coffee again”. Explain that, if you took it away, it wouldn’t mean that they didn’t want it any more. They would have to find new ways to cope without it. And it’s the same for you with drugs or alcohol.
- Tell them how they can help. Most people will want to support you - they just don’t always know how. You could say, “It helps when you check on me,” or “I just need someone to listen without judging.”
- Offer them ways to learn more. Show them trusted sources like our advice for helping someone else or the WithYou website. These explain drug and alcohol use in an easy-to-understand, non-judgemental way.
After the conversation
Once you’ve opened up, take a moment to breathe. No matter how it went, you’ve done something incredibly brave, and you should be proud of yourself.
You might find you feel relieved, tired, emotional, or unsure. All of that is normal. Try to take some quiet time afterwards - go for a walk or listen to music. Let the dust settle before you decide what to do next.
If the person you spoke to was supportive, you might agree on next steps together, like finding local support or setting boundaries. If the conversation didn’t go as well as you hoped, that’s okay, too. You can always reach out to someone else or come to us for free, confidential support.
It might take a while for your loved one to process what you have told them. It’s important to give them, and yourself, the time and space to do this.
Get support
It’s easier to make long-term changes when you have the support of someone outside your circle of friends and family. If you need support to cut down or stop drinking or using drugs, we're here for you.
